The final refuge

We are where we are, not because of our present, but because of our past. The lines that connect the dots are apparent only in retrospect. If it were for man to predict future, he probably would do it- very erroneously though. He wants to connect the dots in a certain way, but depending on how time moves in its mysterious mechanisms, he changes the dots as and when he sees fit. If he were to look back, all his dots and all his lines would make sense to him, both individually and communally.

I would like to dedicate this to Manasa, who suggested this line of thought. Steve Jobs talks about the same in an obscure yet personally esoteric way in his speech at Stanford.

It made me think about the past that is me today and the future that my past is going to make. The fact that I write in terms of personal opinions are shaped by my past and the present adds to it in terms of retrospective thought. If given a choice, would I go back and change it? Yes! Maybe!- but only in certain aspects. The richness of my experiences have gained a physical form in me and a mental form in my thoughts.

What would it take to shape a person and shape the world. Well, that is again a speculation of the action to be made and I bet I would be wrong at it. The safest way out will be to say, the past shall design my present, and my present shall determine my future. In fact, destiny is one thing we do not have power over, in spite of so many non-believers. We are partially if not totally powerless in the hands of destiny. We shape our fate in certain ways and the inherent complexity in the environment will affect our destiny in ways indeterminable.

In all cases of determining the future, we look into our own past or into others' past and decide our course of action. The results shall be what they will be and we will not be able to control them. The most profound and concise thing that I have learnt and read is "Only the effort is yours; The result is not". The effort to make something happen comes from our analysis of what we have done about the same in the past. The result belongs to the future- though we can reasonably predict the way things will go by comparing it to our past, its not absolutely right. Our past is our comfort; It is our proof; It is what we turn to, when we cannot explain what is happening to us now.

The memories that run through our minds every single day and our thoughts and observations of all things around us have all been shaped by our past. Every single word that makes sense comes from our past. Every single word that does not make sense to others comes from our past. Every single second that we spend alone is spent in our past with thoughts of what we have done. The past is so important to us, that forgetting it is impossible. To ignore our past and to ignore the lessons of the past would be the one folly that can never be redeemed.

True that our life progresses beyond the present. True also that future shall be succeeded by futures. At every point, the past is our stepping stone. We find safety in our past. We find creaking stairs, broken steps and steady steps in the staircase to our future, destiny and life. It is the only refuge that we use at every step of our way. At the day we reckon our own lives, the past is our final refuge- the one refuge that justifies our existence on this earth.

The Parallel Universe

Have you ever experienced the 'phasing-out' in class?- The one where, the mind struggles to stay in the physical dimension, but transcends into multiple dimensions of time and space? Shortly, have you ever noticed that you are day- dreaming? Dreams seem to be a dimension of life that we all like and we all find comfort in. Nothing bad seems to happen there. We are the heroes/heroines in every dream that hits us; Else we are the innocent victims; We are the caring/sad people deserving some care and love. Why should we live there? Why do we shun reality in dreams? Are we really what we dream about? It seems not- both from personal experience and from listening to dreams of others. I definitely do not want to discredit the value of dreams- I shall distinguish them as visions and dreams. Visions in my words shall be those that picture you accomplishing something in reality through logic and logic-filled methods. Dreams shall be the ones that are theatrical visions of yourself in situations that are untenable and unrealistic.

I wish I could call myself as one of those who believe in the here- and- now. Unfortunately, I am not. I find that dreams make me happy and make me smile lot more than the monotonous seconds that may or may not lead to an exciting second of a fast- paced, bone-chilling, blood-curdling action, which I would take in my stride. If I were the hero I dream I am, I would have conquered HIV ten times over, would have wooed any girl on the face of Earth, beaten up any guy who dared lay his eyes on my girl, would have been a muscular hunk and the brainiest Nobel- prize winner. Maybe these are all what I really want to be. I do not see them in my reality and so I dream up an alternate world where I am all these and more. Stephen Hawking is right- there are zillions of parallel universes- the ones in everyone's imagination. It seems to me that if it were not for the involuntary nature of our senses, we would be in a perpetual state of dreams- the parallel universe.

The voluntary state of your senses- This is probably what distinguishes a normal person from a mentally- affected person. To wish that you gain acute control over your senses would mean you could phase-in and phase-out of your universe at any second. To be in the state that we are currently in would mean that someone setting our pants on fire or just simply pinching us hard would return us to this mortal Earth. Well, to seriously consider it, it would probably bring back the mentally- affected too. However, if beauty and goodness is the characteristic of the dreams that the mentally-affected live in, I would very badly want to gain control over my senses.

I want to live in that world where everything is beautiful; where everything obeys my wish; where I am the master of minds and the slave of love; where I am the brawn of the civilization and the brain of the revolution; where I am the auditor and the earner and the payer; where I am the start of all good and the end of all bad; where I could instill fear and inspire respect; where mortals shall extol my virtues till the end of the universe.

In short, I want to be a mad person. I want to live in the realm of my dreams- the final refuge of one and all who have lived there.