As a grad student, or even just a student, how many times in your life have you been to an event, for the sake of a free pizza... probably countless... and if you can count, not worth mentioning in a conversation! Why do we do this? Is it the money that you save by eating a slice of pizza- no way.. one slice of pizza at a tiem is not going to save you anything. Is it the taste?- maybe... but then taste would excite you only for so long. Is it hunger that drives you in the direction of the smell wafting through the air?- hmm sometimes... but very very rare. On the downside, its quite unhealthy- the major options being cheese and cheese with pepperoni. Being a veggie, I eat only the cheese pizza and think about the huge amount of fat calories that was accumulating in that belly of mine. The flip-side is that it is free- That is it! 'FREE'. That is the word that drives us to it.
This is probably better understood by shopaholics. We see a lot of things we like in stores. Every time we want to buy something, the worth of the product in relation to the price drives us away. However, when we see the tag free or sale, we throw everything else out of our mind and just go and get it. I guess that is exactly what happens when we see a 'Free' pizza.
Pros of a free pizza
1) It is Free
2) It is free
3) IT IS FREE
Cons
1) not healthy
2) they make you do a lot of stuff you dont want to do in order to get the free pizza
3) what the hell- its just a pizza
Considerations to decide if we want to go for the event with a free pizza-
Would any 'interesting' person attend it?
How crowded will the pizza line be?
Do they give free t-shirts along with the Pizza? or any other freebies
Is there anything of interest in the event to me?
Do I have to do any other important thing at that time?
These are probably my considerations in the order mentioned.
The test of strength is only when you are able to cross the first three questions and reach the 4th one.
I have given this problem considerable thought and decided I will go for the Mizzou activities mart sometime next week- serves free pizza!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Of respectful conversations
17 days between posts... sort of bad.... but trying to write again.. so here it goes
What would it take to talk to a person?
Even though we do not think of this all the time, at every party and every meeting, when we meet new people, we or at least I struggle to find words to talk to a person. Consciousness can be a bad thing at times. What will that person think if I just went up to him/her and talked? What if I appear stupid? What if she thinks I am hitting on her? But you know what- once you start talking past those first few awkward moments, the words flow. It is said that you make your impression in the first three minutes of meeting a person and it is true. If you can make them smile whole-heartedly in those crucial moments, you have hit the wavelength. They will listen to you, even if you ramble on.
Case-in-point: At a recent conference I went to, I introduced myself to a few people and talked to them about their research and doubts that I had. To one person, I just went up and asked him about fluorescence and plate readers. I did not get much of an answer. There was some hand-waving explanations and obscure references to published scientific papers talking about the same. I in fact think he took me for a lowly grad student. On the other hand, there was this other post-doc to whom I introduced myself over dinner and talked to him about his own research and how we might be on common grounds in terms of research. Over the next four days, we had some quite good chats about research, life in science, skiing, alcohol, food etc. The difference in the two incidents is that, we hit upon a common ground quite early and our attitude towards each other was unofficial/ non-condescending/ mutual respect. I think that is where conversations and interactions start. The mutual respect part.
If I were to talk to a girl with the sole purpose of hitting on her, I might get to first base with her. But then the hitting-upon part is dependent on her curves and does not really respect who she is- it just respects any girl with curves. On the contrary, if I spoke to her about something common we both had, or something she likes, or even something that has got nothing to do with how she looks, that is where you might get to know if you would respect her or not. And that is a long conversation inducer. Man is a social animal. And talk as he might about independence, there is absolutely no way that he would be able to live without interacting with anyone. A true conversation and respect is where it all starts. It is not until a person respects you, that you learn to respect yourself. Reasons and feigning apart, respect is what we all live on. If not for respect, we might as well be creatures of indecision, self- loathing and suicidal maniacs.
This post is not a guide as to how to talk to a person, but about what in my opinion would be important to talk to a person. Ayn Rand's Fountainhead is a beautiful example on this line of thought. You can either suck up to a person and make him feel good just to boost his ego or you can truly be yourself and let him understand his worth through your talk with him. Every talk on some level lets you know of what the other person thinks of you- through arguments, or through level of intellect in the talk or through the tone in your voice. If you think high of the person, it will show in your attitude. Attitudes are always relative. It is yourself in respect to that person that determines attitudes towards personalities.
In conclusion, it is the attitude that is an ice-breaker to every conversation that goes on around us.
What would it take to talk to a person?
Even though we do not think of this all the time, at every party and every meeting, when we meet new people, we or at least I struggle to find words to talk to a person. Consciousness can be a bad thing at times. What will that person think if I just went up to him/her and talked? What if I appear stupid? What if she thinks I am hitting on her? But you know what- once you start talking past those first few awkward moments, the words flow. It is said that you make your impression in the first three minutes of meeting a person and it is true. If you can make them smile whole-heartedly in those crucial moments, you have hit the wavelength. They will listen to you, even if you ramble on.
Case-in-point: At a recent conference I went to, I introduced myself to a few people and talked to them about their research and doubts that I had. To one person, I just went up and asked him about fluorescence and plate readers. I did not get much of an answer. There was some hand-waving explanations and obscure references to published scientific papers talking about the same. I in fact think he took me for a lowly grad student. On the other hand, there was this other post-doc to whom I introduced myself over dinner and talked to him about his own research and how we might be on common grounds in terms of research. Over the next four days, we had some quite good chats about research, life in science, skiing, alcohol, food etc. The difference in the two incidents is that, we hit upon a common ground quite early and our attitude towards each other was unofficial/ non-condescending/ mutual respect. I think that is where conversations and interactions start. The mutual respect part.
If I were to talk to a girl with the sole purpose of hitting on her, I might get to first base with her. But then the hitting-upon part is dependent on her curves and does not really respect who she is- it just respects any girl with curves. On the contrary, if I spoke to her about something common we both had, or something she likes, or even something that has got nothing to do with how she looks, that is where you might get to know if you would respect her or not. And that is a long conversation inducer. Man is a social animal. And talk as he might about independence, there is absolutely no way that he would be able to live without interacting with anyone. A true conversation and respect is where it all starts. It is not until a person respects you, that you learn to respect yourself. Reasons and feigning apart, respect is what we all live on. If not for respect, we might as well be creatures of indecision, self- loathing and suicidal maniacs.
This post is not a guide as to how to talk to a person, but about what in my opinion would be important to talk to a person. Ayn Rand's Fountainhead is a beautiful example on this line of thought. You can either suck up to a person and make him feel good just to boost his ego or you can truly be yourself and let him understand his worth through your talk with him. Every talk on some level lets you know of what the other person thinks of you- through arguments, or through level of intellect in the talk or through the tone in your voice. If you think high of the person, it will show in your attitude. Attitudes are always relative. It is yourself in respect to that person that determines attitudes towards personalities.
In conclusion, it is the attitude that is an ice-breaker to every conversation that goes on around us.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Gift and the joy of giving
What would it mean to give a gift? Everytime I want to get a gift, I go to the store and search for something that the other person might like or what I think might be what the other person wants. When on the receiving end, you are much too grateful if its something that you absolutely wanted to own and you were putting off the purchase for some excuse or the other. But there is one more level to gifting that I have felt so good about for sometime now. The gift of time, effort and personal likes.
A gift received always makes you happy- it could be the thought that someone cares enough to give you a gift or it could be the fact that the gift would be very useful to you or a combination of both, where the gifter takes the initiative to know what you like and gives you what you want. This is probably the quintessential law of a gift, but one which is very loosely followed. I have relished every gift that I have received- There was one, where a dear friend had written a poem wishing me to experience life without fear; French press and thermos for coffee was another instance; so on and so forth. I thank everyone for their gifts; but more importantly I felt important when I received the gifts; I felt cared for. Of course, I am the receiver and hence I am happy.
What would give the gifter happiness? The thought of spending money and time and effort into making a gift is of course a part of the process, but is not the source of happiness in a realistic world among non- ideal people which is what we all are. Happiness for the giver is seeing joy in the face of the receiver. Its the acceptance of the gift and truly appreciating the gift. This is all true and everyone realises it.
If everyone realises it, why should I be writing about what everyone knows? well, because I recently found greater happiness as a giver not when gifting from the receiver's perspective, but when giving away something that I really wanted for myself and in which I had invested a lot of time and effort. I am an avid numismatist and collected the fifty state quarters issued in the USA over a period of 10 months. The fiftieth coin in the collection was the toughest to get and I spent quite sometime for that coin alone. I gifted the collection to a very close friend. The happiness stemmed not from just giving it away, but in the gift being accepted for what it was. It was an important part of me. The hobby defines some very essential flaws and strongpoints in my character. The gift was appreciated in a sense (atleast in my perspective) that could probably not be expressed in words. That is when I understood the joy of giving.
When you give a part of yourself and it is accepted with gratitude, its as if you are accepted and are rejoiced. Its definitely not practical for everyone and definitely not practical to gift just about anybody in this sense. But when you do so, I would imagine you would understand an essential point. That gifts are dime a dozen. But great gifts are priceless and are the unexpected things.
A gift received always makes you happy- it could be the thought that someone cares enough to give you a gift or it could be the fact that the gift would be very useful to you or a combination of both, where the gifter takes the initiative to know what you like and gives you what you want. This is probably the quintessential law of a gift, but one which is very loosely followed. I have relished every gift that I have received- There was one, where a dear friend had written a poem wishing me to experience life without fear; French press and thermos for coffee was another instance; so on and so forth. I thank everyone for their gifts; but more importantly I felt important when I received the gifts; I felt cared for. Of course, I am the receiver and hence I am happy.
What would give the gifter happiness? The thought of spending money and time and effort into making a gift is of course a part of the process, but is not the source of happiness in a realistic world among non- ideal people which is what we all are. Happiness for the giver is seeing joy in the face of the receiver. Its the acceptance of the gift and truly appreciating the gift. This is all true and everyone realises it.
If everyone realises it, why should I be writing about what everyone knows? well, because I recently found greater happiness as a giver not when gifting from the receiver's perspective, but when giving away something that I really wanted for myself and in which I had invested a lot of time and effort. I am an avid numismatist and collected the fifty state quarters issued in the USA over a period of 10 months. The fiftieth coin in the collection was the toughest to get and I spent quite sometime for that coin alone. I gifted the collection to a very close friend. The happiness stemmed not from just giving it away, but in the gift being accepted for what it was. It was an important part of me. The hobby defines some very essential flaws and strongpoints in my character. The gift was appreciated in a sense (atleast in my perspective) that could probably not be expressed in words. That is when I understood the joy of giving.
When you give a part of yourself and it is accepted with gratitude, its as if you are accepted and are rejoiced. Its definitely not practical for everyone and definitely not practical to gift just about anybody in this sense. But when you do so, I would imagine you would understand an essential point. That gifts are dime a dozen. But great gifts are priceless and are the unexpected things.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
'Be kind'- perspective of a rhetoric
"Be good with your friends" shouted out a mom to her son, who was going to play. I was walking on the pavement when I heard these words. And me being me, started thinking. Why do people say 'be good to others' or 'be kind to others'. What do they really mean? The natural instinct of normal people would be to behave in a manner that is acceptable society. So what would they mean by saying 'be kind'? What is acceptable to the society? Would being kind mean to be sympathetic with the sad? Would being kind mean being charitable to the needy? Would being kind mean talking normally to the abnormal? Would it mean to help those in requirement of help?
Now, I am a guy whose thoughts have been framed partly by my parents, partly by the society and partly by books that I read, just like almost every other person in the world. What would these say about 'being kind'? In other words, how would my natural instinct interpret the phrase 'being kind'? A couple of instances might be in order here.
"Fifth Mountain" by Paulo Coelho, the latest book that I read talks about the prophet Elijah and his actions during the early stages of Israel- Phoenicia conflict. In this regard, the one thing that stands out in my mind is the way he behaved with a younster after the destruction of the city Zarephath. The survivors of the massacre in the town were weary and were deep in grief including a boy of thirteen who was mourning his mother's demise. Elijah forced himself to pull the cadavers to a single spot to set them on fire. Few of the elderly started helping him and when they were hungry they went in search of food. When the food arrived, an old woman noticed the boy and was about to profer food to him, when Elijah stopped her. He told her that the boy could find food for himself after doing some work. If the boy had been given food, he would have just gone on brooding and would not have gotten out of his depression. On the other hand, the tedium of work is a wonderful anaesthetic to the pains of the heart. This particular action, taken out of context would only strike the word 'cruelty' in the observer's heart. But the life ahead cannot be wasted on the memories of the past. So, was Elijah cruel or kind to the boy? From the reasoning offered, it seems like he was being good to the boy.
The next instance I shall write about is a true life chance at being good. I have a friend who is very fond of potatoes. So much so that, she would be willing to eat fried potatoes every single day of her existence. She would also differentiate food on the basis of color. Her dislike for some vegetables would also stem form it being green or red in color. If someone were to come along and ease her into the habit of eating vegetables other than potatoes, what would be the potential benefit for her? She gets a much varied nutrition and also gets to live a healthier life. If this were to be forced on her, albeit with a reluctant participation by her, would it be cruelty? I would very much differ on that aspect. I would say this is an example of being good to a person, may not be so in her own eyes or in the eyes of an onlooker.
And then there is the classical chinese story, where a beggar taught to fish on his own, leads a life independent of others. The general tone of this post has been that 'being kind' is not about performing things in favor of the others. It is we would perceive as good at that point of time. Its not a fixed rule. The only rule is to be good, although the internal mechanisms are flexible.
This thought is only as good as the differentiation between good and bad. We all perceive and agree certain things to be good and certain things to be bad. In spite of this, we tend to think of 'beneficial' lies amongst others such. In the same reasoning, perception of being kind is dependant on the situation. Charity and encouragement are not the only answers to being kind. The difference between being kind and spoiling the other person will lead us a long way.
Now, I am a guy whose thoughts have been framed partly by my parents, partly by the society and partly by books that I read, just like almost every other person in the world. What would these say about 'being kind'? In other words, how would my natural instinct interpret the phrase 'being kind'? A couple of instances might be in order here.
"Fifth Mountain" by Paulo Coelho, the latest book that I read talks about the prophet Elijah and his actions during the early stages of Israel- Phoenicia conflict. In this regard, the one thing that stands out in my mind is the way he behaved with a younster after the destruction of the city Zarephath. The survivors of the massacre in the town were weary and were deep in grief including a boy of thirteen who was mourning his mother's demise. Elijah forced himself to pull the cadavers to a single spot to set them on fire. Few of the elderly started helping him and when they were hungry they went in search of food. When the food arrived, an old woman noticed the boy and was about to profer food to him, when Elijah stopped her. He told her that the boy could find food for himself after doing some work. If the boy had been given food, he would have just gone on brooding and would not have gotten out of his depression. On the other hand, the tedium of work is a wonderful anaesthetic to the pains of the heart. This particular action, taken out of context would only strike the word 'cruelty' in the observer's heart. But the life ahead cannot be wasted on the memories of the past. So, was Elijah cruel or kind to the boy? From the reasoning offered, it seems like he was being good to the boy.
The next instance I shall write about is a true life chance at being good. I have a friend who is very fond of potatoes. So much so that, she would be willing to eat fried potatoes every single day of her existence. She would also differentiate food on the basis of color. Her dislike for some vegetables would also stem form it being green or red in color. If someone were to come along and ease her into the habit of eating vegetables other than potatoes, what would be the potential benefit for her? She gets a much varied nutrition and also gets to live a healthier life. If this were to be forced on her, albeit with a reluctant participation by her, would it be cruelty? I would very much differ on that aspect. I would say this is an example of being good to a person, may not be so in her own eyes or in the eyes of an onlooker.
And then there is the classical chinese story, where a beggar taught to fish on his own, leads a life independent of others. The general tone of this post has been that 'being kind' is not about performing things in favor of the others. It is we would perceive as good at that point of time. Its not a fixed rule. The only rule is to be good, although the internal mechanisms are flexible.
This thought is only as good as the differentiation between good and bad. We all perceive and agree certain things to be good and certain things to be bad. In spite of this, we tend to think of 'beneficial' lies amongst others such. In the same reasoning, perception of being kind is dependant on the situation. Charity and encouragement are not the only answers to being kind. The difference between being kind and spoiling the other person will lead us a long way.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
For all seasons and reasons
This is something I wrote a while back
Relations happen all the time
Marriage happens for a reason- The familial bond; Procreation;
Love happens for a reason- Togetherness;
Friendship happens for a reason- mmmmm….. That’s just it- They don’t happen for a specific reason. It happens for a multitude of reasons and I cannot put my finger on one.
I have heard people say “friendship is for all reasons and seasons”- In my experience I found that to be true. However, I could not fathom the phrase “All seasons”- Why not just say ‘forever’? Much later on, I understood that ‘forever’ is a relative term and a phrase not to be trusted. Time flew and there came a time when I had to understand the phrase ‘all seasons’
Be it summer or winter, autumn or spring, my friends have stood by me. But mind you, I am not talking about the climate around, but within.
When happiness dwelled in my heart, their lips bloomed in a smile, not unlike a spring bloom.
When sadness streaked my face, their lips frowned, not unlike the dark clouds on a rainy day
When I jumped in victory and joy, their face shone like the summer afternoon
When I was down, they set my spirits afire, not unlike the crackling fires lit during winter
I will never be sure if forever means a day or a week or a month or a year. But I am sure of this – Friendship is an absolute for all seasons, whatever is the reason for the friendship or the season.
I want to thank my best friends- Not for just being friends, but for being there for all reasons and seasons. Love you so much.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Stupidity!
This refers to a beautiful article that I read some time back- " The importance of stupidity in scientific research". Every single time I have come up with an Idea, there have been a multitude of people who have pointed out some flaw or the other to me. At one point of time, I would seriously doubt my idea and think about it a lot. Sometimes, I would scorn at the other person's thought and think 'what does he know; I am better'. Sometime later, I have also realised that my idea was really flawed and used to feel sorry that I had mistaken the other person's intentions.
When I started my graduate study, I approached professors who were working on HIV and used to talk to them about a few ideas of mine, which I thought had merit. For sometime, the ideas seemingly interested the professors. When I finally joined the lab in which I was going to pursue my thesis, I was still gung-ho about my own ideas. While some students advised me to keep my ideas to myself and work on them later on in my career, I was more inclined to working on them right away. And hence, I kept harping on it with my professor/adviser/mentor. He would point out what was to be improved in the idea or he would point out a very serious flaw, to which I had to agree ( In terms of logic and not otherwise- Other grad students would know what I am talking about). I kept going back to him with some idea or the other and he would always tell me of some published journal articles to read in order to better understand the problem at hand. Invariably he would apologize for the criticism also.
I kept going back with ideas, because I really didnt feel stupid about it. I just thought it was smart to keep throwing out ideas. Finally I realised that formulating workable ideas was far more important than to randomly speak of something I knew. 'Empty vessels make more noise' and 'Its better to shut your mouth and let someone think you are stupid than to open your mouth and confirm the fact' would often course through my brain.
In due course, I had to start thinking about my Comprehensive/ Qualifying exam, in which I have to present workable ideas in the form of a grant. I was speaking out loud to two colleagues that I was scared of my exam because all I seemed to have were stupid ideas. And then something changed for me. Instead of agreeing or keeping quiet about it, they told me that it was alright; And that it was what grad students at my time of their study usually do. Its perfectly normal to talk about ideas that seem to work but in actuality would not, because that proves that you are not stupid. It proves your brain is active in your research. This heartened me to an extent that hope sprang and I knew I would make it someday. I must thank Elisa and Maggie for that!
I have been stupid all this while for a reason! My stupidity has not let my brain rust so far. I know now that I shall come up with a zillion ideas of which 99.9% would not be worth its salt. But then, I also know that the .1% would be my saving grace and that it shall be an important contribution- Be it to science or to the future generations. This post shall remind me of my insecurities when I read them and also shall instill hope in me.
When I started my graduate study, I approached professors who were working on HIV and used to talk to them about a few ideas of mine, which I thought had merit. For sometime, the ideas seemingly interested the professors. When I finally joined the lab in which I was going to pursue my thesis, I was still gung-ho about my own ideas. While some students advised me to keep my ideas to myself and work on them later on in my career, I was more inclined to working on them right away. And hence, I kept harping on it with my professor/adviser/mentor. He would point out what was to be improved in the idea or he would point out a very serious flaw, to which I had to agree ( In terms of logic and not otherwise- Other grad students would know what I am talking about). I kept going back to him with some idea or the other and he would always tell me of some published journal articles to read in order to better understand the problem at hand. Invariably he would apologize for the criticism also.
I kept going back with ideas, because I really didnt feel stupid about it. I just thought it was smart to keep throwing out ideas. Finally I realised that formulating workable ideas was far more important than to randomly speak of something I knew. 'Empty vessels make more noise' and 'Its better to shut your mouth and let someone think you are stupid than to open your mouth and confirm the fact' would often course through my brain.
In due course, I had to start thinking about my Comprehensive/ Qualifying exam, in which I have to present workable ideas in the form of a grant. I was speaking out loud to two colleagues that I was scared of my exam because all I seemed to have were stupid ideas. And then something changed for me. Instead of agreeing or keeping quiet about it, they told me that it was alright; And that it was what grad students at my time of their study usually do. Its perfectly normal to talk about ideas that seem to work but in actuality would not, because that proves that you are not stupid. It proves your brain is active in your research. This heartened me to an extent that hope sprang and I knew I would make it someday. I must thank Elisa and Maggie for that!
I have been stupid all this while for a reason! My stupidity has not let my brain rust so far. I know now that I shall come up with a zillion ideas of which 99.9% would not be worth its salt. But then, I also know that the .1% would be my saving grace and that it shall be an important contribution- Be it to science or to the future generations. This post shall remind me of my insecurities when I read them and also shall instill hope in me.
I have always wondered how I my written word would be accepted in the general mass. In short this is a territory that I have not explored and hence the name of my blog. Also, in a sense, my thoughts are not mapped by every single person around. For that reason, these blogs or my thoughts shall be 'Terra incognito' for you!
This shall not be a place where I will force my thoughts on you. You are welcome to opine, and I shall not argue about my thoughts. However, if I feel it necessary, I shall justify my line of thought. I do not hope for a lot of feedback on whatever I write, but shall be happy if I have any.
This shall not be a place where I will force my thoughts on you. You are welcome to opine, and I shall not argue about my thoughts. However, if I feel it necessary, I shall justify my line of thought. I do not hope for a lot of feedback on whatever I write, but shall be happy if I have any.
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