What am I doing here?

Tiffany to herself: " What am I doing here?"
And then realizing I am nearby, she apologized to me and remarked that I should be asking that question to myself quite often; More so than her because I am from a different continent. I replied, " No.... I have not asked that question because I came here by choice, to pursue what I wanted". I am still wondering about her reply!:" Oh! then you have asked that question to yourself!". "No!... I was just responding to your remark" I protested feebly.

This small incident was such a small thing in the larger picture of the workday. However, in my mind, the question it raised was no small thing. Have I really asked that question to myself? Do I question my motives for having come here? Is this question so important in the first place?

Well, I slowly went over the events that led to where I am right now; The first time I saw the term 'genetic engineering'; The first time, someone explained the potential of 'gene therapy'; The first time I thought of gene therapy and HIV in the same sentence; The times I thought of half-baked ideas to cure HIV; The times I was called the AIDS guy; The times when I would immediately wake up from monotony upon hearing anything about HIV; The times I knocked on the doors of the labs working on HIV only to be refused; The days I waited in tense anticipation after applying to Universities with strong research cores in HIV; The year of waiting along the sidelines as the world marched inexorably; The process of reapplying; The days of interviews and finally the decision to come to Missouri; Looking back and listing out these thoughts, the journey seems to be long. The common theme however has been passion- passion that I will settle for nothing lesser than pitting what little thought I have against HIV.

Where is this passion leading me to? Today I am here working on a part of what I have always wanted to work on. Esoteric it be as it may, my work is leading me to someplace, I know not what, I know not how- but someplace where I shall find satisfaction. An advanced science degree, recognition for being what I am and the sense of self-satisfaction seem to be breathing points in the longer journey that I have embarked on.

Now that I am here, what am I doing here? Am I on the journey or am I on the threshold? As of today, I have started on the work/walk part of the journey. The cognition and the queries that go along with it have just now started. I am learning and learn I shall to slowly trudge along the road to salvation- The road which will ultimately lead to some important day when the virus shall be stopped in its tracks. In the larger picture of the things, I am just a small part of the machine. I hope to be an important part of the machine someday.

Again, What am I doing here?- Walking. Walking the walk