17 days between posts... sort of bad.... but trying to write again.. so here it goes
What would it take to talk to a person?
Even though we do not think of this all the time, at every party and every meeting, when we meet new people, we or at least I struggle to find words to talk to a person. Consciousness can be a bad thing at times. What will that person think if I just went up to him/her and talked? What if I appear stupid? What if she thinks I am hitting on her? But you know what- once you start talking past those first few awkward moments, the words flow. It is said that you make your impression in the first three minutes of meeting a person and it is true. If you can make them smile whole-heartedly in those crucial moments, you have hit the wavelength. They will listen to you, even if you ramble on.
Case-in-point: At a recent conference I went to, I introduced myself to a few people and talked to them about their research and doubts that I had. To one person, I just went up and asked him about fluorescence and plate readers. I did not get much of an answer. There was some hand-waving explanations and obscure references to published scientific papers talking about the same. I in fact think he took me for a lowly grad student. On the other hand, there was this other post-doc to whom I introduced myself over dinner and talked to him about his own research and how we might be on common grounds in terms of research. Over the next four days, we had some quite good chats about research, life in science, skiing, alcohol, food etc. The difference in the two incidents is that, we hit upon a common ground quite early and our attitude towards each other was unofficial/ non-condescending/ mutual respect. I think that is where conversations and interactions start. The mutual respect part.
If I were to talk to a girl with the sole purpose of hitting on her, I might get to first base with her. But then the hitting-upon part is dependent on her curves and does not really respect who she is- it just respects any girl with curves. On the contrary, if I spoke to her about something common we both had, or something she likes, or even something that has got nothing to do with how she looks, that is where you might get to know if you would respect her or not. And that is a long conversation inducer. Man is a social animal. And talk as he might about independence, there is absolutely no way that he would be able to live without interacting with anyone. A true conversation and respect is where it all starts. It is not until a person respects you, that you learn to respect yourself. Reasons and feigning apart, respect is what we all live on. If not for respect, we might as well be creatures of indecision, self- loathing and suicidal maniacs.
This post is not a guide as to how to talk to a person, but about what in my opinion would be important to talk to a person. Ayn Rand's Fountainhead is a beautiful example on this line of thought. You can either suck up to a person and make him feel good just to boost his ego or you can truly be yourself and let him understand his worth through your talk with him. Every talk on some level lets you know of what the other person thinks of you- through arguments, or through level of intellect in the talk or through the tone in your voice. If you think high of the person, it will show in your attitude. Attitudes are always relative. It is yourself in respect to that person that determines attitudes towards personalities.
In conclusion, it is the attitude that is an ice-breaker to every conversation that goes on around us.
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