"Be good with your friends" shouted out a mom to her son, who was going to play. I was walking on the pavement when I heard these words. And me being me, started thinking. Why do people say 'be good to others' or 'be kind to others'. What do they really mean? The natural instinct of normal people would be to behave in a manner that is acceptable society. So what would they mean by saying 'be kind'? What is acceptable to the society? Would being kind mean to be sympathetic with the sad? Would being kind mean being charitable to the needy? Would being kind mean talking normally to the abnormal? Would it mean to help those in requirement of help?
Now, I am a guy whose thoughts have been framed partly by my parents, partly by the society and partly by books that I read, just like almost every other person in the world. What would these say about 'being kind'? In other words, how would my natural instinct interpret the phrase 'being kind'? A couple of instances might be in order here.
"Fifth Mountain" by Paulo Coelho, the latest book that I read talks about the prophet Elijah and his actions during the early stages of Israel- Phoenicia conflict. In this regard, the one thing that stands out in my mind is the way he behaved with a younster after the destruction of the city Zarephath. The survivors of the massacre in the town were weary and were deep in grief including a boy of thirteen who was mourning his mother's demise. Elijah forced himself to pull the cadavers to a single spot to set them on fire. Few of the elderly started helping him and when they were hungry they went in search of food. When the food arrived, an old woman noticed the boy and was about to profer food to him, when Elijah stopped her. He told her that the boy could find food for himself after doing some work. If the boy had been given food, he would have just gone on brooding and would not have gotten out of his depression. On the other hand, the tedium of work is a wonderful anaesthetic to the pains of the heart. This particular action, taken out of context would only strike the word 'cruelty' in the observer's heart. But the life ahead cannot be wasted on the memories of the past. So, was Elijah cruel or kind to the boy? From the reasoning offered, it seems like he was being good to the boy.
The next instance I shall write about is a true life chance at being good. I have a friend who is very fond of potatoes. So much so that, she would be willing to eat fried potatoes every single day of her existence. She would also differentiate food on the basis of color. Her dislike for some vegetables would also stem form it being green or red in color. If someone were to come along and ease her into the habit of eating vegetables other than potatoes, what would be the potential benefit for her? She gets a much varied nutrition and also gets to live a healthier life. If this were to be forced on her, albeit with a reluctant participation by her, would it be cruelty? I would very much differ on that aspect. I would say this is an example of being good to a person, may not be so in her own eyes or in the eyes of an onlooker.
And then there is the classical chinese story, where a beggar taught to fish on his own, leads a life independent of others. The general tone of this post has been that 'being kind' is not about performing things in favor of the others. It is we would perceive as good at that point of time. Its not a fixed rule. The only rule is to be good, although the internal mechanisms are flexible.
This thought is only as good as the differentiation between good and bad. We all perceive and agree certain things to be good and certain things to be bad. In spite of this, we tend to think of 'beneficial' lies amongst others such. In the same reasoning, perception of being kind is dependant on the situation. Charity and encouragement are not the only answers to being kind. The difference between being kind and spoiling the other person will lead us a long way.
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