Stupidity!

This refers to a beautiful article that I read some time back- " The importance of stupidity in scientific research". Every single time I have come up with an Idea, there have been a multitude of people who have pointed out some flaw or the other to me. At one point of time, I would seriously doubt my idea and think about it a lot. Sometimes, I would scorn at the other person's thought and think 'what does he know; I am better'. Sometime later, I have also realised that my idea was really flawed and used to feel sorry that I had mistaken the other person's intentions.

When I started my graduate study, I approached professors who were working on HIV and used to talk to them about a few ideas of mine, which I thought had merit. For sometime, the ideas seemingly interested the professors. When I finally joined the lab in which I was going to pursue my thesis, I was still gung-ho about my own ideas. While some students advised me to keep my ideas to myself and work on them later on in my career, I was more inclined to working on them right away. And hence, I kept harping on it with my professor/adviser/mentor. He would point out what was to be improved in the idea or he would point out a very serious flaw, to which I had to agree ( In terms of logic and not otherwise- Other grad students would know what I am talking about). I kept going back to him with some idea or the other and he would always tell me of some published journal articles to read in order to better understand the problem at hand. Invariably he would apologize for the criticism also.

I kept going back with ideas, because I really didnt feel stupid about it. I just thought it was smart to keep throwing out ideas. Finally I realised that formulating workable ideas was far more important than to randomly speak of something I knew. 'Empty vessels make more noise' and 'Its better to shut your mouth and let someone think you are stupid than to open your mouth and confirm the fact' would often course through my brain.

In due course, I had to start thinking about my Comprehensive/ Qualifying exam, in which I have to present workable ideas in the form of a grant. I was speaking out loud to two colleagues that I was scared of my exam because all I seemed to have were stupid ideas. And then something changed for me. Instead of agreeing or keeping quiet about it, they told me that it was alright; And that it was what grad students at my time of their study usually do. Its perfectly normal to talk about ideas that seem to work but in actuality would not, because that proves that you are not stupid. It proves your brain is active in your research. This heartened me to an extent that hope sprang and I knew I would make it someday. I must thank Elisa and Maggie for that!

I have been stupid all this while for a reason! My stupidity has not let my brain rust so far. I know now that I shall come up with a zillion ideas of which 99.9% would not be worth its salt. But then, I also know that the .1% would be my saving grace and that it shall be an important contribution- Be it to science or to the future generations. This post shall remind me of my insecurities when I read them and also shall instill hope in me.